Ironically I find myself feeling angry a lot of the time but I often blame my mom for not teaching me healthy angry behaviours. I’ve been so afraid to get angry because I’ve feared that I’ll turn into my dad when I try to express my frustration. I envision myself punching a hole in a wall or throwing objects around. But conversely when my dad tries to argue with my mom she doesn’t say anything. She stands there and just nods her head. I’m sure some of her minimal response is residual effects from the years of abuse my father has tortured her with. But she has also told me that she never once saw her parents get angry with each other. Do I suffer from two generations of women, my Mom and my Nanna, who haven’t learned to decipher aggression from anger?
I now blame both my parents for my struggle to develop healthy angry behaviours. When I am angry I desperately try to hold it in and not let the anger express itself. I fear the expression of anger will be a mirror image of breaking things and saying mean passive aggressive things. I know it’s not my mom’s sole responsibility to teach me how to express my anger. My father has a responsibility and so does my community. I also have a responsibility to express my anger to others. It’s important for me to express when others are miss-treating me or the people I care about.
~Anna Joy
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