Had I known.

If I had known how sacred I would feel at times, would I have said 'I Do'?

If I had known how much debt I would endure when he 'couldn't work', would I have shared my credit?

If I knew the guilt & shame that would come from saying no to my 'wifely sexual obligations', would I have invited him into my bed in the first place?

Had I a clue he would become an addict blaming me for his choices, would I have given him my trust?

If I'd had any idea how many walls would be punched in, doors riped off hinges, things thrown, slammed, broken...would I have agreed to share in that life?

Had I been able to see the damages living in that environment would have on our children, the anger & desperation they'd acquire, would I have had these babies?

If I had known that he would want his life to end, that most days were more a challenge than a joy, would I  have allowed myself to love him so deeply?

If I knew for sure that he would change, would I have stayed?

~ Whytelash